A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…. heroes battled villains in an epic quest to achieve the ultimate victory.
Not Star Wars. Poker!
Noble heroes! Dastardly villains! Epic wins! Crushing losses! Why would you be on the edge of your seat waiting for missiles shot from a spaceship to destroy a wicked planetoid space weapon when you could… Watch a plastic rectangle flip over and gentleman shake hands?
Become the director of Poker Star Wars!
Poker’s got it all, including larger-than-life personalities that no multi-billion dollar space opera can touch. There are even rumors (and by rumors I mean I made it up for this quiz) that new Star Wars owner Disney plans to recast the saga to make the ultimate epic: Poker. Star. Wars!
Why should Disney pay millions to the likes of JJ Abrams, though, when you can do a better job for Chipotle and M&Ms? Actually, scratch that, I’ve got a Facebook share button as your reward instead!
Take my poker pro quiz as your first job interview. Cast these pros for their best-suited role in Poker Star Wars.
Poker Star Wars Quiz Questions and Answers
Quiz Question 1: Daniel Negreanu. He has largely become the face of poker and is arguably the game’s most charismatic ambassador. One of the best cash game players in the world, Poker Hall of Famer, over $40 million in tournament earnings, and probably residing somewhere in Canada if Donald Trump is elected president. Lure him out of the frozen tundra by offering him this role!
Quiz Answer 1: Daniel could play Luke Skywalker with his eyes closed. They’re everybody’s favorites, heroes of their domains, friendly, charismatic. Most of all, they know how to make their own luck, master The Force, and win.
Quiz Question 2: Doyle Brunson. One of the original Texas rounders. Poker Hall of Famer, winner of 10 WSOP bracelets, beloved icon, and still one of the best at the game. Give him the respect he deserves and cast him perfectly for Poker Star Wars. Which role would you offer him?
Quiz Answer 2: Doyle. Yoda. The ultimate masters, beloved for their wisdom, marveled at for their skills. Weathered experienced statesmen. It just works. This photo, however, does not.
Quiz Question 3: Phil Hellmuth. Desperate for a role in Star Wars Poker to prove he’s the best. Has a heart of gold to those close to him. Record-holder with 14 WSOP bracelets, superb tournament player, obnoxiously seeks attention, makes tablemates groan with his antics. Who does that sound like he’s perfectly suited to play?
Quiz Answer 3: A no-brainer for Jar Jar Binks. Obnoxious, gets under your skin, usually makes you wish he wasn’t there at all. Underneath it all, still has a big heart. Yes, that’s the best I could do on this one, but… Jar Jar Phil!
Quiz Question 4: Phil Ivey. Endlessly praised from fans and peers alike he’s simply one of the best all-around players in the game. Predominantly a cash game player he’s won countless millions away from the cameras. Phenomenally talented with eyes that try to keep up with his brain Ivey sometimes gets himself into the wrong headlines, but rarely makes a wrong decision at the tables. Who’s he going to play in Poker Star Wars?
Quiz Answer 4: Finn and Ivey. Besides being a decent name for a law firm or a ’60s folk duo they both realized their potential at a young age and succeed based on intelligence and following instincts. Stay away from the baccarat, Finn!
Quiz Question 5: Barry Greenstein. The Robin Hood of Poker. Altruistic, intelligent, calculating. Often uncelebrated due to his steady demeanor, but should never be underestimated. We’d love him to be in Poker Star Wars. But who will he play?
Quiz Answer 5: The Obi Wan Kenobi of poker. Often forgotten about, but no less a wise master. Stealing from the evil Empire to give to those spunky Rebels (or charity in Greenstein’s case).
Quiz Question 6: Stu Ungar. Described by peers as possibly the best to ever play, 3-time WSOP champion, unable to cope well with the real world, ultimately consumed by his own demons and vices. Disney mastered and patented reanimation just for Poker Star Wars! Don’t waste their money. Choose his perfect role.
Quiz Answer 6: Just like Darth Vader, Stu Ungar was supremely talented, upset a lot of people, ultimately redeems himself, but still falls victim to his own demons shortly after. We got a little crazy there with the answers to this one.
Quiz Question 7: John Juanda. Often underestimated thanks to his steady demeanor, this Poker Hall of Famer still one of the best on today’s tournament circuit. Help Poker Stars round out the cast by offering him this role.
Quiz Answer 7: Boba Fett and John Juanda. Relentless in pursuing their goals and often achieve victory without a whole lot of outward personality. Don’t worry, John. We’ll rewrite the Sarlacc!